March 26/2017

So… where do I start….

Friday night, she & her roommate started drinking because her roommate got red dye in her hair & was freaking out.
At one point while her roommate was throwing up from drinking, she was laying down & started talking about, if she should go to the hospital or not, because of how she’s feeling & these thoughts she’s having…
I’m not going to type out everything, but the last Facebook call I did on PC that ended Friday night/ Saturday morning at 2:13, before it ended, her roommate was calling 911….

I’m not entirely sure what was said to 911, but they showed up & at 3:03 AM, I got a text from her roommate using her phone that they’re in the waiting room of the hospital across the street from their apt. We texted back & forth until around 5:20 ish, she actually texted me, because her roommate had to take her brother home because he was falling asleep. We did a fb call around 6, & at that time it had been 3 hrs already. She was finally waiting for a bed as it almost reached the 5 hr mark of waiting in the waiting room…. I had to talk her out of leaving the hospital multiple times. I went upstairs at 8, & twisted mom’s arm to take me to the hospital to see her & just before I went back downstairs, she had finally gotten a bed. Me & mom left home at 9:26 AM & I walked in the hospital doors at 10:30 basically…. with the agreement I’d only be in the city for 2-3 hrs…. :/ which is better then nothing at all…

On the way to the hospital, she texted saying she’s been admitted, meaning she’d be staying there… I didn’t mention it in my previous posts, but she hates doctors altogether, so obviously she was scared about having to stay…. I found her shortly after asking the info desk where I walked in, where she was, then a security desk, which was a good thing, because he needed to give me a visitor sticker & buzz me through a set of doors, & then into the wrong waiting room & ask security again where she was…. After I left that waiting room, it was easy to find her. Left out of the doors & the 2nd right & she was literally straight through that doorway….

I was asked to leave shortly after I got there so a nurse could talk to her about everything. I could’ve went & eaten something at the cafeteria, but I didn’t. Instead I went & sat down in the hallway on a bench & was woken up by her roommate & roommate’s brother when they got there, asking what they were saying. All I could say was I was asked to leave so the nurse could talk to her. While we were all waiting I’m sure her roommate basically offered up their apt for me to stay at if I ever needed to. Shortly after we were able to go see her. No one really said anything, but that’s fine. We were all glad she’s okay. Then we were asked by her sister to leave so she could talk to her…. So we walked back out to the bench I was sitting at before. Her sister came out a while later at 11 something & said they’re releasing her.

We went out through the 2nd waiting room I walked into, & I found out that’s the entrance they came in. Both me & her roommate had to help walk her out because she hadn’t slept all night, & could barely stand herself. We walked her up to the apt, & straight to her bed so she could sleep. Since this was about noon, we got to the apt, & I had until 2:40 to be there, I just stayed there. We helped her get her jacket off & such so she could lay down & go to sleep. I went out & took my jacket off, & was asked if I’d like something to eat. I said yes obviously, as I hadn’t had anything to eat at all yet.

I went back into the bedroom after she asked & just sat on the floor next to the bed holding her hand for a bit, until she moved over on the bed, & then I laid down next to her. I almost dozed off at one point, but was woken up by soft footsteps of the cat on the bed…. then again when her roommate took the cat out of the bedroom. I think I was almost asleep at 12:30, 12:40 PM when I felt a soft tapping on my leg. I just shook it off at first because I thought it was nothing. Then I heard someone say my name & gently shake my shoulder. It was her roommate telling me the food is ready. Plus, I had asked the roommate to wake me up in case I fall asleep, or I look like I’m going to, because if I did, I’d never be awake in time to leave at 2:40…. Shortly after I started eating, I went back into the bedroom & she was awake, so I said the food was ready & asked if she wanted some. She did, so the roommate brought her some.

Her roommate had to leave at 1 something, but was going to call every hr to make sure she’s okay. I don’t think she turned her phones ringer on, because anytime her roommate texted her after she left & I was still there, I never heard her phone, but knew she got a text, because she said so. I was there until 2:40 & never left laying there with her. I could’ve fell asleep, but as I said above, had I fell asleep I wouldn’t have woken up in time…. It was nice to have her falling asleep next to me…. we could’ve “taken advantage” of being alone 😉 but we didn’t because it wasn’t the appropriate time. Honestly, having to leave was the hardest thing for me to do, because I love her, & know that after I leave she’d be alone & because I didn’t want to leave that feeling of being next to her while she’s sleeping…. :/ 😦

Anyways, I got home & then at 6:47 her roommate texted me asking if I’ve heard from her. Neither of us had heard from her. Last time I did was 3:00 shortly after I left the apt…. We were both 99% sure she was just sleeping, but we had no way of knowing because she wouldn’t answer any calls. While later (not sure what time) I tried calling her on Facebook & it said “In Another Call” so I knew she was okay. We video called for a bit until she said she was going to try sleep.

I signed off PC at 12:30 I think & started watching Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, & suddenly get a FaceTime Audio call from her….. She was sitting in the bathtub alone (apparently her roommate was staying out for the night), she was feeling sad but didn’t know why. She had me text her roommate, because she said she’d text her if she ever felt like that. I texted her roommate, but it took a while before she replied. We tried getting her on FaceTime audio too, but it didn’t work. The audio call ended after about 17 mins, which made me panic/ worry until her roommate said she’s talking to her….

I got a fb video call from her at 3:15 am & it lasted until 3:55. Everything was good then. We were talking about when I can get to the city again to see her, the possibility of her coming out camping this summer & how likely it’d be I could stay in the city with her for a weekend one time…. I went to sleep at 4:30 as I just couldn’t stay awake any longer. I was out like a light until 4 PM in the afternoon today.

Well when I finally woke up, I saw a message from her at 8:45, so I thought everything was good. Then I seen 2 missed Facebook voice calls…. One at 2:37 & another at 3:58…. the 3rd one was at 4:02, but that’s because messenger screwed up & only showed a black screen & wouldn’t let me answer, but kept ringing…. I closed messenger & restarted & called her back….

Wasn’t a good news call to say the least. It was her, saying we need to have a talk about things, right now. I asked about what, & she said our relationship…. Long story short, she wants to take a break…. she wants to focus on herself…. she still loves me, but she needs to focus on herself right now…. I didn’t get much more of an explanation & then she hung up…. I messaged her saying we should video call tonight & that I’ll try come to the city again…. All I got in response was, no we’re not video calling tonight & she doesn’t think it’s a good idea if we see each other again…. 😦 I asked if we can at least talk still & she said “Not right now. I think it’s best if we don’t”….

So, I basically lost her today…. I feel she will come back, because she said she still loves me, but idk for sure…. :/ 😦

I had texted her roommate Saturday night at 9:50 to say thank you for offering me food & sorry for not saying it at the time, but I was so tired that it completely blanked my mind to & that she didn’t have to. She replied with this message “No problem. I know I didn’t have to but you hadn’t eaten and you came all that way just to be with -Name Removed For Privacy-. None of her other boyfriends would have done that. You may have you’re moment’s when you make me angry but at the end of the day. You make -Name Removed For Privacy- really happy and that’s all that matters to me. Is that she is happy and she’s been alot happier since meeting you.” Me & her roommate texted a bit after that & ended with her telling me I can text her if I ever need to talk about something. This has significance to the next part of my post.

After she hung up the call & told me it’s best right now if we don’t talk, I messaged her roommate, first asking if what she said over text about messaging her if I ever need to talk about something still “counted” & she said yes. I explained I don’t know what happened, because we video called until 3:55 Saturday night & everything was good & then she had sent a message at 8:45 which again made me assume everything was fine. She replied that she needs to do what’s best for her, & right now that’s her not being with me…. 😦
I understand that, but her roommate knows I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because of her….

It went on for a bit, with it being said that I feel she will come back, because she said she still loves me & she used the word “break” & then it was said, I have to accept the fact that she may not come back. It’s a possibility & I have to be ready for that. That she just needs time…. :/ 😦

Anyways, this is probably the longest post I’ve made. That was the events of this weekend after I posted my March 24/2017 post. I honestly didn’t expect to wake up today to her saying we need to take a break, especially after Saturday with everything at the hospital & such.
I’m honestly hoping she comes back, because I we both felt (before today) that we’re both who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. I can still message her roommate if I need to talk. I just honestly hope she comes back, because she’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life & up until today I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been, because of her. Her roommate admitted to me she sees how happy we make each other & like in the message she sent me, that I quoted above, her being happy is all that matters to her.

~ KR

P.S. Once again, these events may not be in “order” of how they actually happened, but rather the order I thought of them while typing this out. I think majority of these events are in the order they happened each day, with the exception of a few spots.
Also, no, neither of my parents know about her. Mom was pissed off about being at the expo center all day last Saturday (March 18), so it wouldn’t have been a good idea to have her meet mom then, & I felt her being in the hospital wasn’t the “best way/ opportunity” for mom to meet her either…