April 3/2017

So, obviously still nothing letting me know which hospital she’s at, considering the last edit on my last post was literally not even 30 mins ago. Currently 12:15 AM on Monday, April 3/2017…

I honestly don’t know what else to do, except phone the first hospital that popped up in a Google search last night & ask if she’s there or not, & if she’s not, ask if they’d be able to tell me where she is. Phoning them was a “last resort” because I honestly thought her roommate would just tell me which hospital, without asking me “Why?” when I asked if I could know which one…

I shall quote the entire post, from a recent Facebook post I made (7 hrs ago):

I’m just hoping ur okay…. I haven’t heard from you since the voice call Friday night/ Saturday morning that ended around 1:20 AM & I’m assuming that means the hospital is keeping you there this time, which is why you went to this one. I don’t know which hospital yet….

Right now, I’m not even sure you want me to know which one/ *try* come see you, but I’m going to do what I can to find out which hospital, because *you* called me once you were in the waiting room. You didn’t *have to* call & tell me you were there, but you did, & I feel I can say that means you’ll want me to know which hospital & *try* come see you. :$

I hope you meant what you said on our first video call on Thursday & then the one earlier on Friday night, when you said you still have feelings for me/ still love me. I truly hope you meant that, because I still feel the same way & I’m positive that you know I do too & that I always will.
I also feel it’s not over *for good* between us, because we both still have feelings for each other & still love each other. :$

You mean the world to me, & right now, not knowing which hospital ur in is driving me crazy, even *if* you don’t want to see me. I’ll always care about you, no matter what happens, because ur a part of my life now. I’m also positive that you know this too.

Idk when, or if you’ll see any of my statuses considering it’s looking like ur not allowed to have ur phone since my messages are being delivered, but not seen & you were last active 1d ago now.”

That post is direct from my Facebook, without being edited in any way, with the exception of Italicizing it & putting it in quotation marks….

Not really sure what else to say, because that post along with posts before that one, basically explain how I feel…. That’s it for now, I guess at 12:15 AM.

Edit 12:35 AM: Was looking in the fridge for a snack a few minutes ago, & this was going through my mind while I was looking, that I mentioned to you on our first video call on Thursday, March 30, but I don’t think I mentioned it on the 30th’s post…. I just keep replaying Saturday, with the first hospital visit, over & over in my head, wondering what (if anything) I could’ve done differently. Wondering what I could’ve said, that maybe would’ve allowed me to stay there later then 2:40 PM with you, or maybe even stay overnight with you. Maybe (I know a lot of “maybes”), if I had stayed later (5:30, 6:30 PM) or stayed the night, I feel that maybe Sunday’s (March 26/2017) Facebook audio call, where you said you want to take a break, never would’ve happened & we’d still be together right now. I also keep replaying the voice message you left me on the 30th, when I missed your first video call (I was in another call with a family member), because, even though it sounds dumb, I miss hearing your voice every night & considering you’re in the hospital without your phone & not allowed to call anyone (I think), that voice message is the only way I can still hear your voice. 

Edit 3:25 AM: Tried calling the switchboard of the first hospital I found in a Google search at 1:57 AM. Gave the person her last name & first name, then I was transferred to emergency. Gave the lady who answered that phone, her last name, & she basically instantly knew who I was looking for, as I didn’t even have to say her first name. I then got transferred again, to her primary nurse. Nurse said she’s doing okay, she’s safe & obviously was sleeping at the time. But, the concerning thing I think I heard correctly, was she was still waiting for a bed…. I had to hang up, mainly because right after the lady at emergency said her name, meaning she was there, I was barely keeping it together then, in terms of not having any tears & because she was sleeping. I completely blanked on asking her nurse to please tell her when she wakes up, that I called & that she can call me back if she wants to. I might call back later on tonight/ this morning, when she may be awake, & see if I can talk to her for a bit, & possibly ask if she wants me to try come see her. I feel she’ll want to talk to me at least, because she phoned me basically right after she got to the hospital on Friday night/ Saturday morning (March 31/ April 1). She didn’t have to call me at all, but she did, & that’s why I feel if I call back, when she may be awake, she’ll want to talk to me. If she’s not awake when/ if I call later tonight/ this morning, I’ll just wait until everyone is upstairs around midnight tonight, call again & this time remember to ask her nurse to let her know I called, & that she can call me back if she wants to. I’m honestly just happy she’s doing okay, but still not that happy that I had to “dig” for which hospital she’s at….

~ KN1IGHT

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