Me: “Thank you for calling [store] tech support. This is [my name]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Uh, yeah. My [game console] stopped working. Can I get it replaced free?”
Me: “When did you purchase it?”
Caller: “[Date].”
(I collect his information and locate his purchase and warranty in our database.)
Me: “You’re still within the 90 day warranty. What seems to be the problem with it?”
Caller: “We can’t put the game discs in.”
Me: “You mean some piece of the internal hardware is blocking the disc slot?”
Caller: “No. Last night we were having a party. My roommate got pretty drunk and thought the [game console] was the toaster, and he shoved a Pop-Tart in the slot. We can’t get it out.”
Me: “…You have a Pop-Tart stuck in the slot.”
Caller: “Yeah.”
Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t covered under the warranty, sir.”
Caller: “It isn’t?”
Me: “No. Only manufacturer defects are covered. Damage caused by the customer is not covered.”
Caller: “S***. I guess I don’t need to ask about the Blu-Ray player, then?”
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