Digital Video Dumdums

(I used to work for a relatively popular video rental chain prior to it going out of business. I am pulling up my own account to see if I am about to have an overdue rental of my own. A customer in her late-40s or early-50s has been browsing the rentals.)

Customer: *approaches my coworker with a sealed new movie* “Hi, I’d like to buy this.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. Just to let you know, we do have extremely high-quality used versions of this exact movie, and for what you’re paying for it new, you could get three used movies.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t buy used movies.”

Coworker: “That’s understandable. Sometimes the quality of the DVD isn’t what you’d hoped, scratches, yadda ya.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not that. I just don’t want my DVD player to get a virus.”

(At this point, I stop what I’m doing, because I cannot possibly have heard that. I turn my head just a bit to look at her. Customer has the most serious expression I’ve ever seen, and my coworker is currently trying to see if she’s being legitimate.)

Coworker: “DVD… viruses?”

Customer: “Yes, like computer viruses. You don’t know what sort of nastiness people let get into their DVD player, and I don’t want mine getting corrupted by anything!”

(At this point, I have to turn away from the register I’m on, because I’m about to start chuckling, and I would prefer not to be rude. I busy myself with the rental drop box while my coworker continues the struggle.)

Coworker: “…absolutely, ma’am. Those DVD viruses can be an absolute hassle, and you’re doing well to keep yourself protected.”

(He finishes ringing her up as I finally get myself in check.)

Coworker: “You have a wonderful day, ma’am.”

Customer: “You too, young man!”

(She leaves. We just look at each other.)

Me: “If I hadn’t been here, I’d never believe this.”

-> Digital Video Dumdums


You Should Be Anniver-Sorry

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we are coming up on our first anniversary. We don’t know the real “official” date of our anniversary, so we decided a while ago for it to be July 13th. We also have just moved in together and are starting a new job, where we both got hired.

I don’t want to go crazy because I know we are stressed and busy, so I buy him a little present and a card, and slip it into his work-bag for him to find later. Fast forward a few hours, and he has found the card and present, and thanked me. I patiently wait.

And then, nothing. No special dinner. No card. Nada. I am bummed. I don’t say anything because I just don’t know what to say. About a month or so goes by and things are rough between us. I finally crack and yell at him about him totally ignoring our anniversary.

His excuse? He thought it was a different day. In July. BOTH dates have already passed by now. So not only did he awkwardly accept my gift on the “wrong” date, but he then didn’t even bother to do anything on the date he thought was correct!

I’m still annoyed, but we’re coming up on year two, so he better not forget this time and hopefully goes over the top to cover both anniversaries!

-> You Should Be Anniver-Sorry

Something Fishy With Her Complaint

(I’m working as the front-end manager of a Japanese restaurant. We often have to explain the difference between nigiri sushi and sashimi. It is a busy Friday and a customer orders a sushi lunch for delivery. We have lunch specials and there’s an upcharge for any specific fish requested. She declines having specific fish. We close for a short period of time during the weekdays and the customer calls us during that close. We call back and leave a message saying we got their message and that they should call us back asap or come in before we close that night. They don’t call or show up till after eight pm the next day, which is Saturday. I am just about to cash out the customer picking up their order when this lady shows up and demands service.)

Customer #1: “Go ahead. I’m in no rush.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I ordered this yesterday but it wasn’t what I wanted. I asked for the sushi lunch with specific fish and it was supposed to come with rice. I did not receive any rice nor the fish I asked for.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I could give you a rice on your next order.”

Customer #2: “No. I want a sushi lunch with rice like I ordered. I even brought my lunch with me.” *shows me her half eaten sushi lunch; this sushi is fish over rice*

Me: “Oh, well, I’m slightly confused. That is our sushi lunch. Our sushi lunch does not come with rice. Our sashimi lunch does, however.”

Customer #2: “That is not sushi. That is sashimi. Sashimi is with rice under it. I eat sushi all the time here and that is not sushi.”

(She shows us her tray of mostly eaten sushi. The sushi lunch is five pieces of fish over rice. There are only two pieces left. Customer #1 is trying not to laugh at this point.)

Customer #2: “I’d like a refund. I brought my food back in and clearly you have to refund me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but refunds are only for the first 24 hours and must not have been eaten. You have eaten more than half of the five pieces and soup and salad. We cannot offer a refund but I can discount your next order by 15%.”

Customer #2: “This is unacceptable. I order here all the time and every time I come in I get exactly what I want. If I order it for delivery you all screw it up!”

Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am. As I said that is the owner’s policy and my hands are tied. If you’d like to give me your name and number, I can put it in our system that you’ll receive 20% off your next lunch order for dine-in or as part of a delivery.”

(She throws her hands up and storms off saying she’s contacting the Better Business Bureau for a refund, leaving the uneaten sushi on a tray on top of the menus.)

Customer #1: “Clearly she’s never had sushi sushi.”

Me: *laughing* “That’s not the first or last time that’ll happen.”

(Yes, the lady did contact the BBB but lost her claim against the restaurant as we explained exactly what happened.)

-> Something Fishy With Her Complaint

A Live Picture Of Bad Customer Service

(It’s early 2002, and I’ve had a digital camera for about two years (1Mpix) that I paid over $300 for. At one point, as soon as I put it in “picture” mode, it beeps for two seconds and shuts down. I can use it to look at pictures already taken, but can’t take any pictures. Being a techno-guy, I do the first basic tests: clean the memory card, put in fresh batteries, and so forth, to no avail. I go on the Internet and find an e-mail support address. I write in the details of the problem, including all the tests I’ve made, and emphasising that I’ve had that camera for two years and have taken close to 2000 pictures with it, so I kinda know my way around how to operate it, empty the memory card, and replace the batteries. About half an hour later, I receive an email):

Tech Support: “Have you tried to put in fresh batteries? Is the memory card full?” *and so on*

Me: “Please, take the time to fully read the first e-mail before answering.”

Tech Support: *half an hour later* “Oh, this seems to be a more serious problem. Please call tech support at [number].”

(So I do. I explain the problem to the tech.)

Tech: “That’s impossible.”

(I put the camera next to the phone, press the button. The camera beeps for two seconds and you could hear the mechanism of the lens protector closing.)

Me: “You heard that?”

Tech: “Er… yes I heard that. Seems to be a very serious problem. You will probably have to replace it, but since it’s out of warranty, we have a fix repair price of $250, and you’ll get a refurbished one.”

Me: “Say what? It will cost me $250 to have a refurbished one? You do realize that this camera is two years old, and as of today, I can have a 2Mp camera with better zoom and features for $200?”

Tech: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s policy.”

Me: “Okay then. I’ll throw this one into the garbage can and will get myself a new one, and I’ll make sure it’s not [Brand].”

Tech: “Whatever you wish, sir. Have a nice day.”

(After buying a new camera, having nothing to lose, I try some “percussive maintenance” on it, slamming it on a table, gently at first, with no results, then up to as hard as I can, until it works! My girlfriend has a good laugh about it. I throw it in the bottom of a drawer and forget about it, until a year later when a relative is visiting us and wishes she could get herself one of those new digital cameras. I fetch it from the drawer, put in fresh batteries, and turn it on. It fails. I slam it on the counter, and it works again. I hand it to my relative.)

Me: “Here, take that one. You see how it works? If it beeps, slam it.”

(She looked at me with wide eyes, but with her sister (my girlfriend) acknowledging that it was true, took the camera, which worked like that for a year or so. The last time she slammed it, the colours went greenish and she bought a new one. Not that brand, however.)

-> A Live Picture Of Bad Customer Service

It Was A Fine Graduation

(I am a junior in high school. When I return a book I give it to the library’s student aid whose job it is to put the books back and record it on the computer. Years later, the librarian has billed me for the missing book at the end of my senior year. Basically if you don’t pay the fine you don’t get to walk.)

Me: “I gave this book to your student aid last year. Why am I being fined for not returning the book?”

Librarian: “The book isn’t here; you were the last to check it out, therefore you have it.”

Me: “I certainly do not. I gave this book back to your student aid who should have put it back. Go talk to her or look around for it. I told you I turned this in.”

Librarian: “No, you didn’t, otherwise I would have the book.”

Me: “It’s not my fault your student aid didn’t do their job correctly. As I said, I’m not paying this since I turned it in.”

(After the exchange the librarian emailed my homeroom teacher and my guidance counselor who then emailed my parents. My parents were on my side but they told me to pay the stupid fine anyway so I can walk at graduation.)

-> It Was A Fine Graduation

Back Up On Your Expectations

(I am sitting in driving school and we are learning about reversing. Because all the shops are within walking distance of where I grew up I don’t see the need to get a car so I’m a little older than everyone in the class, but know next to nothing about driving. My instructor, however, seems to think because I’m older I should know more than my classmates.)

Instructor: “Okay, everyone, we’re going to learn about reversing. What are the colors of your reverse lights?”

(One student says red but the rest of the class can’t figure out the color of the other light. Before I can say anything the class sends out the guesses I was going to say so I stay quiet trying to think of what else it could be.)

Instructor: *turns to me* “[My Name], do you know what color the final light is?”

Me: “No idea.”

Instructor: *annoyed* “Why not?!”

Me: “Because I’m usually IN the car when it’s backing up.”

-> Back Up On Your Expectations

Friends At A Funeral

My mother died the year after I finished high school. When the funeral service was over, I turned to see all my closest friends there — including one high school friend that had moved 800 km away. At the time I assumed she’d gotten time off from her job as I knew she’d gotten an apprenticeship.

I found out later that her boss had refused to give her the time off. So she quit her job and jumped on the first train she could to come and be with my family and me. She set her career back an entire year.

I love my friends.

-> Friends At A Funeral