Not Even Close, No Cigar

(I am an admin assistant to the head of our company, a liquor distributor. We don’t sell products; we just facilitate shipping between state-owned warehouses and liquor stores. I handle all of the liquor ordering for the company, doing the heavy work for a lot of managers for my company. It’s important to note: we do not work with any products beside liquor and liquor promotional products.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, your company ordered cigars from my company and I would like to figure out a good day to ship them out to you.”

(Thinking he thought we were a liquor store as I get a lot of calls of that nature:)

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe we ordered any cigars. We aren’t a liquor store; we’re a distributor.”

Customer: *in a very snippy tone* “Well, I know that. I got your number from your partners in California and I know you ordered cigars.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t work with any products but liquor so we wouldn’t have ordered cigars from you. What was the name of employee you talked to in California?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I want to talk with someone in your sales department.”

Me: “Sir, our sales staff only uses their cell-phones and I am not supposed to give out numbers to people I can’t verify.”

Customer: “You can verify me by me telling you that your company ordered cigars from me.”

Me: “Sir, that doesn’t verify you at all. Also the sales staff would know nothing about a cigar purchase and would most likely not be able to help you. Now, if you give me name or number in California that gave you our number, I can try and sort this out.”

Customer: “You’re just an admin assistant; you aren’t going to be able to help me with anything. Give me the number of your vice president of sales.”

Me: “Again, sir, I can’t give you any of our employees phone numbers without verifying who you are. I am sure, though, that we have not purchased cigars from you. I can try to get more information if you would please give me the name of who you contacted in California.”

Customer: “You wouldn’t f****** know anything about this. It’s way over your head. Now give me the name of the head of your branch.”

(I’m pissed off and fed up at this point.)

Me: “His name is [Name] but he isn’t in the office today.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll call back and I’ll speak to someone who knows what the h*** they’re talking about.”

(Needless to say, I needed to take a walk after that. My manager said that if he called back, I should transfer the call back to him so he could scream at the guy for me.)

-> Not Even Close, No Cigar


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