Planting A Seed Of Crazy

(My fiancé and I are browsing at a local furniture store for a new bed. This particular store showcases their furniture in different styles, such as a sofa and entertainment center would be set up in a living room style. We are walking past the section where all the office desks, filing cabinets, and other related items are. When I pause to tie my shoe, I notice a woman with a gallon of water.)

Lady: “Don’t tell anybody I’m doing this, okay, hon?”

(She then starts pouring water into the fake plants.)

Me: *flagging down the nearest employee* “Excuse me, but there’s a woman in the office section trying to water the fake plants.”

Employee: “Oh, shoot! How’d she get back in here?” *radios the security guard* “Hey, Andy, Mrs. Francis made her way back in. Can you come escort her out?”

Me: “She’s been here before?”

Employee: “Yes! She’s a local who believes our fake plants are real, so she tries to water them. There are other stores who have fake plants, but she seems to be extremely fixated on the ones we have here.”

(At this point, the security is holding onto the screaming woman’s arm.)

Security: “Mrs. Francis, we’ve already told you. Those plants are fake, and you cannot bring liquids into the store. It will damage the wood!”

(Suddenly the lady sees me standing there and she narrows her eyes at me.)

Lady: “You! I thought you were a good person! You ratted me out, you dumb b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

(As she’s pulled away from the store, I can hear her screaming:)

Lady: “You’re all plant murderers! Not only do you cut down trees to make your furniture, but you starve those poor plants to death! Shame on all of you! I hope you get choked to death by my dangling vines!”

Fiancé: “Well, that was interesting. I wonder what she meant by ‘my dangling vines’?”

Employee: “That’s nothing compared to what she did or said on Arbor Day.”

Me: “What about Earth Day?”

Employee: *shudders* “You don’t want to know, and I don’t want to remember.”

 

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