A Different Kind Of Stockholm Syndrome

(I am taking a train from Stockholm to Malmö, a five-hour ride. About an hour after departure, a very upset middle-aged woman storms up to a conductor.)

Woman: “This is outrageous; you need to help us right now! I spoke to your colleague but he was completely useless and didn’t help us at all!”

Conductor #1: “How may I help you?”

Woman: “Well, you need to fix us somewhere to sit. Apparently our seats were double-booked and your colleague got us other seats but not together. I refuse to sit there. I want to sit with my family in the seats we booked.”

(The woman goes on complaining for about ten minutes, while the conductor tries to find her family other seats, only to be yelled at when those aren’t acceptable. The woman does not want to sit near other children, she does not want to sit too far from the bistro, and she does not want to ride backwards, etc. After a while, another conductor comes up to them and tries to solve the situation.)

Conductor #2: “Sorry. I will try to fix this for you, but there are no more available seats than the ones you have already been offered.”

Woman: “Well, this is just unacceptable; I can’t believe you let the other people have our seats just because they got here first, when CLEARLY they cheated somehow to manage to book the seats I had already booked!”

Conductor #1: “But you did say they offered to move?”

Woman: “Well, yes, they… two of them did offer to move but then the seats they moved to also turned out to be booked, and the people who had booked them got on at the last stop, so now it is still a problem. I AM going to complain to your company and I WILL get compensation for this, and I WILL get you fired too for being this unhelpful!”

Conductor #2: “May I see your ticket, so that I can see which seats you had originally booked?”

(The woman hands her a sheet of paper.)

Conductor #2: “No, not your return ticket to Stockholm, I need to see the ticket for this journey.”

Woman: “What do you mean? This is the ticket for this journey, to Stockholm.”

Conductor #2: “This is the train from Stockholm. We are southbound. If you are going to Stockholm, you are on the wrong train.”

Woman: “…oh. Well, this train showed up first. How was I supposed to know?”

(She was very quiet for the rest of her journey, and she and her family left the train at the next stop to find a train heading for Stockholm.)

-> A Different Kind Of Stockholm Syndrome


Making Decisions Is Talking Turkey

Customer: “Can I have a pound of turkey, please?”

Me: “Which kind would you like, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’m sorry… what do you mean, ‘which kind’?”

Me: “We have over a dozen different kinds of turkey.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, no. I’m not making decisions. I’m on vacation. You’re not getting me to make any decisions. I’m on vacation so I won’t have to deal with that stuff.”

Me: “Then how can I know which kind of turkey you want, ma’am?”

Customer: “Turkey. TUR-KEY. You know, gobble gobble! What’s so hard about that?!”

Me: “Well, do you want plain, sweet, smoked or spicy?”


Me: *deadpan* “You want me to pick for you.”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “All righty.”

(I grab the nearest package of turkey without looking at it and cut her a sample slice.)

Customer: “This is gross! Why would you pick this flavor?!”

Me: “Well, that’s what sometimes happens when you don’t pick the flavor you want, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever! Just give me a pound of that gross s***!”

-> Making Decisions Is Talking Turkey

Return Policies For Dummies

(I use to work for a popular clothing store that does not give cash back refunds. I am working as cashier when a lady comes through with a bag of clothes.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return these.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Are you aware of our return policy?”

Customer: “Um, no.”

Me: “So, we don’t give cash back returns. You can do either an exchange or get store credit.”

Customer: “What?! No, I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our return policy is only for exchanges or store credit.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I don’t want a store credit. I want my money back! Why can’t you just give me my money?!”

Me: “The register doesn’t allow me to do that, ma’am. I can only let you exchange these items for something else or give you store credit.”

(The customer is now raising her voice and she’s being to be rude which has gained my manager’s attention. I’ve explained to the customer that there’s nothing I can do about giving her her money back.)

Customer: “I never heard of that being the return policy. Get your manager and have them do it.”

(My manager, who’s been watching, starts to walk over.)

Me: “The manager can’t override it so they won’t be able to give you cash either. When you purchased these items did the cashier happen to tell you about our policy?”

(We are required to ask each customer when they checkout and inform them if they don’t know our policy for this reason.)

Customer: “No. And I don’t care! Now give me my money back!”

Me: “We’re supposed to always ask so I’m sorry they didn’t. Do you mind showing me your receipt?”

(Customer hands me her receipt which has the return policy on the bottom. Looking at it I immediately see that the previous cashier circled the return policy with a highlighter.)

Me: *turning it towards her so she can read it* “Do you mind reading the bottom of your receipt, please?”

Customer: *reads it and when she’s finished, looks up* “Yeah, but—”

Me: “Ma’am, generally before I go to return something to a store, I look at the return policy so I don’t look like an idiot in front of the cashier.”

(The customer turns red as I turn to my manager, who’s trying not to laugh.)

Me: “Can I go on break?”

Manager: “Yes, you can. I was going to help but you clearly had that handled.”

(My manager let me go on break while she gave the customer her store credit return. I could have been written up for it but my manager said technically I didn’t call the customer an idiot, I just implied it, and she was done listening to the lady yelling at me.)

-> Return Policies For Dummies

Actually Feel More Sorry For That Stairwell

(I am a sixteen-year-old, part-time, front desk attendant. Tonight is particularly busy, but my coworker and I manage to check everyone in promptly and without issue. We are organizing some things that hadn’t gotten filed properly in the rush when a woman emerges from the elevator, which is about twenty feet in front of the desk.)

Guest: *walks out of the elevator haughtily, and proceeded to pitch her belongings at the front desk*

Me: *trying to ignore that she almost hit me and my coworker with her luggage* “Good evening. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Guest: “I demand you switch my room! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “All right, I’ll get right on it. However, may I ask why your current room is unacceptable?”

Guest:“Why in the h*** would you need to know? Just switch my room!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need to know in case the room is in need of repair so I can take it off market for the night.”

Guest: *huffs and literally raises her purse above her head and slams it onto the counter* “Just switch my room and give me a discount already! I should get this room for free because of the issues you’re causing me.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t authorize any discounts without a reason.”

Guest: “You put me beside the f****** stairwell!”

Coworker: *looks at me confused*

Me: “Um, I’m sorry but you didn’t ask to be roomed away from the stairwell, Miss [Guest]. I would have gladly changed it had you asked at check in.”

Guest: “Well, you should have f****** known where the h*** I wanted put, you dumb c***!”

(My coworker, who is the shift manager, nods at me to go ahead and get rid of her however I can, even if that means kicking her out.)

Me: “That is not proper language to be using at me, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from using anymore foul language. I will gladly change your room; however, you will still need to pay full price.”

Guest: *slams hands on counter in front of me, and leans over into my face* “I am so sick of dealing with dumb c**** like you! You will give me a new room, for free, and full access to the mini-bar for free as well!”

(At this point I’ve reached my breaking point.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you will not be getting anything for free or discounted. Had you came down in a calmly manner, and politely asked to switch rooms I may have offered a discount. However you attitude makes it very clear that you do not deserve one.”

Guest: *looks over at my coworker* “What the h***?! You should have known to room me somewhere else! Are you just going to sit there and let this woman talk to me like this? Are you the manager?”

Coworker: *walks from her desk to stand by me* “Miss [Guest], I am the acting manager at the moment, and I have to agree with my employee. Your attitude has been less than appropriate. At this point I request you go back to your room quietly or accept the one she is offering you.”

Guest: *grumbles before accepting, cursing at me the whole time under her breath*

Me: “Your new room is 536. Have a pleasant evening.”

Guest: “What floor is this on?”

Me: “It’s on the fifth floor, in the second tower.”

(Our hotel has two towers, with a conference hall in the middle to connect the two. To go from tower to tower, you must go to the first floor and walk the hallway connecting them.)

Guest: “Well, f****** great! Now I’m definitely gonna get kidnapped! I didn’t want to be by the stairwell in the first place because of all the riff-raff coming through at all hours of night!”

Me: “I assure you that the stairwells are locked at 11 pm and not opened again until 6 am or unless someone calls down to use them.”

Guest: “I’ll keep my old room, but I want you to sit by the stairwell door all night and make sure no one comes through it. I also want the room half price, and full access to the mini-bar for free.”

Coworker: “As I told you before, we do not have mini-bars and I am not discounting your room. We are not mind readers, and in no way could have known you preferred to be away from the stairwell.”

Guest: *throws hands up in the air* “Well what kind of hotel doesn’t have a f******g mini-bar?”

Me: “The kind with an actual bar on the premises.”

Guest: “Well, fine, then. I want free drinks on the house during my entire stay!”

Me: “We can’t do that for you, Miss [Guest].”

Guest: “Then you can pay for my drinks, little miss snot!”

(At this point my coworker can tell I’m struggling to handle the situation.)

Me: “I’m underage and thus cannot buy you a drink, even if I desired to.”

Guest: *smirks* “Oh, so you’re probably a knocked up tramp working because Mommy and Daddy kicked you out for being such a slut! Tell me, how many guys could be the father?”

Me: “I’ll have you know, I am working to pay for night classes so that I can graduate with an associates degree. I strive to be more refined in this world, unlike some people.”

Guest: *puffs up and face turns red* “How dare you! Did you just hear what she said to me? I demand you fire her!”

Coworker: “That’s a long list of demands you’ve made. Despite us being a five-star hotel, I cannot meet any of these demands. I suggest you either take the new room, or go back to your current room.”

Guest: “I’ll take the f****** new room! I want someone to carry my belongings over to the room for me. I also want a free dinner from the restaurant here.”

Me: “I can get our security guard to carry your belongings, but as I stated before I cannot and will not give you anything for free or discount.”

Guest: “You are the biggest c*** I’ve ever met! I hope you flunk out of high school and your house burns down!”

(She then stomps off to gather her belongings. We call in our security guard and tell him the situation. He agrees to escort her… to her car)

Guest: *starts yelling when the guard asks where her car is located* “I am not leaving this f****** hotel! I paid to stay here and I’m not leaving! I want a free dinner, drinks, and room! You’d better f****** guard that f***** stairwell!”

Me: *happily* “We’ve already refunded your card, and added you to our not-welcome list. Have a nice evening!”

(We hear her screaming all the way out to her car, and then watch as she drives away angrily, almost hitting several cars.)

Guard: “I already alerted the state boys of a speeding woman driving recklessly. Have a nice night, you two!”

Coworker: *high-fives me*

-> Actually Feel More Sorry For That Stairwell

Your Membership Is Dead

(I have just started as a first aider at a children’s activity centre. I have been called to a ball pit where a child has collapsed. I am doing the necessary checks when a woman, who has been there all of ten seconds, speaks up.)

Woman: “She’s dead. There’s no point in resuscitating her.”

Mother: “What? No!”

Woman: “There’s nothing you can do. She’s dead.”

Me: “Actually she’s breathing, although her pulse is low.” *radioing for an ambulance*

Woman: *to the mother* “SHE IS DEAD! Get over it. It happens all the time!”

Me: “Excuse me, madam. If you aren’t going to be helpful, could you please leave the area?”

(This shuts the woman up, but I hear her mumbling about how I should give up as she walks away. The ambulance arrives, and the girl is conscious as she is taken away. An hour later I walk into the manager’s office and the manager motions me to keep quiet before putting his call on speaker.)

Woman: “…and this man was very rude to me. I am a long-time customer, and don’t take too kindly to—”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I can understand your frustration. However I’m afraid there is very little that I can do.”

Woman: “You can do plenty! You can fire his a** or I will never bring my children there again!”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I could. However I think given the circumstances that would be highly inappropriate.”


Manager: “He also assisted in saving a young girl’s life today, the mother of which, if I understand the context of your complaint, you screamed at saying she was already dead.”

Woman: “How the f**** would you know?”

Manager: “My colleague was radioing me for an ambulance when I heard ‘SHE IS DEAD.’ While I cannot be certain, I did recognise the voice as you just shouted.”

Woman: “Well, I… f***!” *hangs up*

Me: “What kind of a**-hole does that?!”

Manager: “A special breed we like to call ‘Gold Star members.’ They’re friends of shareholders who think they run the place because they get everything for free. Never mind traumatising a poor mother; she was told to shut up, which as we all know is an unforgivable sin!”

(The manager got put on probation after the woman told her shareholder friend, but upon realising the facts the woman was banned by the shareholder. The manager was also promoted and I got a raise. The girl made a full recovery. The woman’s daughter visits the centre frequently, still being listed as a gold star member. He father comes with her now, though, instead.)

-> Your Membership Is Dead

Note: The only reason this is in the Funny Things category, is because of the women’s reaction, when the manager says he/ she recognizes the voice, when the woman gets banned by the shareholder after getting the manager put on probation, & then the manager getting promoted & the “narrator” of the story getting a raise. Those are the only parts I found funny, hence why it’s in this category. The entire situation leading up to this, I did NOT find funny.

Will Pay For What They Said

(A customer has been getting very irate while waiting for manager to authorise her discount. The manager comes down after a couple of minutes.)

Manager: “I am terribly sorry, madam. A woman has gone into labour in the fitting rooms.”

Customer: “That means nothing to me. I am a paying customer, and paying customers comes first. That hussy you’ve got back there probably can’t even afford anything in this store!”

Manager: *annoyed* “Of course, madam. I see you are trying to use this coupon?”

Customer: “Yes, now get a—”

(The manager walks away from us and starts attending to another customer.)

Customer: “HEY! You were helping me, not them!”

Manager: *turning his head* “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said paying customers come first. Am I to assume you no longer want to use your coupon and actually pay?”

(The woman blushes and keeps quiet while the manager finishes with the other customer. He processes her coupon, but before he hands the receipt over.)

Manager: “In future, madam, steer clear of here, unless you want to be thrown out. No one in my store calls a pregnant woman, much less one in labour, a ‘hussy’ and demands priority treatment because they’re ‘paying.’ Now get out!”

(The woman managed a feeble apology and left in a hurry.)

-> Will Pay For What They Said

April 17/2017

So, I didn’t post yesterday again, because there wasn’t really anything to post about. All that was done yesterday, was I went to see The Fate Of The Furious which turned out to be a great movie. Only thing I was surprised about, was that Paul Walker’s brother wasn’t in the movie as Brian O’Conner, yet I swear in the previews, well before it came out, he was going to be. He was mentioned once along with Toretto’s sister Mia, but neither of them made an appearance in this one.

Not much was done yesterday. Went to see the movie, came home & my dresser was put back in my room, while I was gone. I ended up flipping my bed around, & so far that’s proving to have been a good decision, as I can now finally sleep better. Not really sure what else is in store for my room. Since the bed’s flipped around, a wall mount TV is unlikely, because the wall I’d be facing, while laying on my pillows, on my bed, has no type of power outlet on it so, when I’m laying on the bed, the TV is actually behind me. I don’t mind actually, because I now have room to bring my computer chair in & use it to sit on, rather then that small hard bench I was using before.

I still need to figure out where to put everything I cleared out the one night, before the rest of my room was done. There’s a few things in boxes, which shouldn’t be to hard to store away. It’s just the bags & such we moved down to the basement temporarily, that’ll be difficult to hide, as I’ll need to empty them first before storing them away. I’m hoping it’s possible to put my Airsoft M4 under my bed, in its bag somehow. Maybe the BBs, drop leg, pistols, etc. can go in the one cupboard if it gets cleaned out. Either way, there is not anymore room for a cupboard that’s basically the same as the current one, so I’ll have to figure it out somehow…. I shouldn’t need to hurry that much, since an airsoft day in the city, is still more then 2 weeks away at least. This Saturday (22nd) is the motorshow & next Saturday is out of the question.

I try plan for a Saturday, because normally Sundays are a day, you just relax at home & not do much, but I recently learned that, Sundays may be possible as a place nearby the airsoft field is also open on Sundays too.

Anyways, that’s all for now at 11:35 PM…. Until next time…

~ KR