April 4/2017 (Again)

Apologies for the later post tonight. I only got on PC tonight around 8 PM. She messaged me at 7:23 saying Hello, after partially “flooding” my Facebook notifications reacting to a few posts I made while she was in the hospital. I replied obviously, & she said “Missed me I see”, which is obvious, so I said yes…. Then she said “Well I’ll share this piece with you..” & sent 2 pics… which I kinda wish she didn’t send…. then she went offline & was last active 52m ago now.

Her roommate messaged me at 7:40 basically saying she knows she said I could always talk to her about anything, but she takes that back because she knows it’s going to be about her & she no longer gives a fuck… I replied with “Okay?..” & after I asked if she’d like to say what happened & why she no longer cares, she told me why. Apparently, after she got out of the hospital, she couldn’t take the time to text her, after everything her roommate did for her. All I could say was I’m sorry, I didn’t know that….. She also apparently moved out of the apt she was at, but didn’t tell her roommate & her roommate found out from her sis, which I didn’t know either, but I had made the safe “guess” she was out of the hospital/ moved out, based on the background of the 2 pics she sent, because it looked nothing like any room in the apt…. Her roommate asked me if she told me anything…. I didn’t “have the heart” to tell her roommate, that I knew last night already that she was out of the hospital, because I had phoned them once on Sunday night & found out that’s the hospital, & phoned again last night & found out she had been discharged on Monday….

All I had the heart to tell her roommate was, no she didn’t tell me anything, but that she messaged me at 7:23 tonight saying hello, but the convo didn’t last that long. All her roommate responded with was “Oh”…. I then signed on PC & sent a long message explaining that I hadn’t heard from her since the voice call she ended around 1:20 AM on Friday night/ Saturday morning, when she was in the waiting room… I then told her that my Facebook chat sidebar is always open, & I did notice she was active on fb yesterday, but I didn’t really think anything of it because whichever hospital she was at, clearly had WiFi, because she voice called me Friday night/ Saturday morning when she was in the waiting room… I then mentioned to the roommate that she sent 2 pics in our convo today, & the background clearly showed she was out of the hospital… but that, I honestly don’t know… because I only made the guess that she was out of the hospital, from the background of the 2 pics she sent, but didn’t know she had completely moved out of the apt, until her roommate said she did…

I’m just honestly lost now, as to where I’ll meet her, IF I get to the city again & she would like to see me, because I currently have no idea where she’s living now, since she moved out of the apt…. I’m waiting to see if she’ll want to video call or Skype, because she was last active 2m ago now…

That’s all for now at 8:50 PM…. Until next time, or the next edit….

Edit 10:50 PM: Her roommate messaged me at9:45 saying “Yeah. She completely moved out. I don’t know if I should even bother messaging her”. All I could really say was I don’t know either. I mentioned I messaged her at 8:45 saying I was on PC just so she knows. At the time her roommate messaged me she was active almost 1h ago…. Nothing from her yet… as she hasn’t seen any of my messages I’ve sent her. I don’t think I’ll hear from her again tonight. It was still nice for her to actually message me at 7:23 saying “Hello” though, after partially “flooding” my notifications of her “reacting” with a  to the last 3 statuses I posted. I have a good feeling based on how she “reacted” to those posts, that she still does have strong feelings for me/ still loves me too, so that’s good. 🙂 That’s all for now at 10:50 PM….. Until next time…. or next edit…. if there is one. Lol

Edit 11:57 PM: So, I was expecting to miss a call from her, while I was in the shower, but I didn’t. She was last active about 22m ago now, so I’m guessing she fell asleep. However, she still hasn’t seen any messages I sent after she sent 2 pics earlier….Tonight it’s likely I won’t be up as late, because I actually gotta go somewhere tomorrow, & I’m the one driving. I honestly hope we can video call sometime this week & talk. That’s all for tonight, at 11:57 PM.

Until next time….

Cheers,

~ KN1IGHT

April 4/2017

So, I’m debating whether or not to phone again tonight, because I’m unsure if she’s still there or not, considering she was apparently active on Facebook tonight, for the first time in 2 days…. I just don’t want to call & then find out she’s either been moved elsewhere in the hospital & they can’t connect me to her, or that she’s been released (unlikely though)….

I do want to call, because I want her to know I’ve been worried about her & still care about her, but want to be able to actually say that instead of saying it through a text/ Facebook message…. She’ll likely be sleeping if I call now, so me calling would be to at least ask her nurse to please let her know I called, & that she can call me back if she wants to.

That’s all for now, at 12:35 AM….

Edit 12:55 AM: Just bit the bullet & called again about 5 mins ago. She was released/ discharged yesterday (April 3) at some point…. so I now know that means, the fact she was actually on Facebook yesterday (April 3), is because she was either back at her apt, or somewhere with WiFi, that isn’t the hospital. Which honestly, isn’t really reassuring, because now I’m wondering if we’ll get to talk/ video call again anytime soon, or if she’ll even read my messages…. :$ It also leaves me wondering if everything she said on Thursday & Friday’s video calls (March 30 & 31) about still having feelings for me/ still loving me, etc., is still true or not…. :/ 😦  I honestly hope it’s still true, & that she’ll try message me either later tonight/ this morning, or once I sign on PC again today, to maybe video call…. now that I know she’s been released/ discharged…. Though, I’m unsure if I’ll tell her I called the hospital or not…. if we video call or talk at some point, & her roommate isn’t around I might tell her about both times I called, because I still care about her & was worried. :$

Cheers,

~ KN1IGHT

April 3/2017 (Again)

So, today has been decentish…. I slept decently last night, not just because I was tired, but actually phoning last night & knowing where she was & that she’s safe & okay, had a part in me sleeping decent last night. I ended up not being able to stay awake & try call back around 8 – 8:30 AM, as that’s when she was normally awake when we did early morning video calls when we were together. I ended up going to sleep around 6:30 AM this morning. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer…. I’m not exactly able to “speak freely” during the day here, so if I want to call again tonight, even if she’s sleeping & just to ask her nurse to let her know I called, it has to be just before, or after midnight, as that is the only time I am able to “speak freely”….

I just honestly want to talk directly to her. Not through her roommate or her primary nurse, directly to her, so I can at least ask her a few things, such as how she’s doing (even though her nurse already said), if she wants me to try come see her…. & say a few things to her, that I’ve said repeatedly through Facebook messages, but never actually said to her by speaking (still care about her, she still means the world to me, etc.) on the last call we did…. I honestly feel, that even if she says no to me trying to get there & see her, she’ll be happy to talk to me, again, because, she didn’t have to call me Friday night/ Saturday morning (March 31/ April 1) after she had just gotten to the hospital waiting room, but she did. I still honestly didn’t expect to hear from her on Thursday (March 30) either, & I told her that during the first short (30 mins I think) video call, since the Sunday (March 26) she said she wanted to take a break.

Anyways, I’m hoping that maybe tonight, depending on when I can “speak freely” I’ll be calling again, & hopefully get to talk to her (unlikely though because she’s normally asleep before midnight), but if not, I’ll at least try remember, before I hang up, to ask her nurse, to tell her when she wakes up, that I called because I was worried about her/ wanted to see how she was doing & that she can call me back if she wants to.

I will edit if anything happens between now (8:10 PM) & midnight. Unlikely though because I have the information I was looking for.

Edit 9:22 PM: Came back from getting a drink & seen in my Facebook chat sidebar (it’s always open), she was active 15m ago… Though she hasn’t seen the last message I sent her on Saturday at 5:30 PM…. So, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I’m guessing it may be a good thing, because that means either she has her phone back, or her roommate does. I remember her saying a while before the first hospital trip, her roommate’s fingerprint is enabled on her phone too, so it could be the roommate. It’s also possible that she doesn’t have her phone back, but the hospital has a laptop she was using for a bit. A friend from school was in hospital a while ago, & they were watching episodes of WWE on an old school “Siemens” brand laptop, so maybe that’s how she was online. I don’t know for sure though, because “normally” if it’s her, she sees any messages I’ve sent, that she hasn’t seen yet. I’m just worried/ afraid that if it is her, & she saw has a new message/ has new messages from me, that she isn’t replying because everything has changed since our daytime video call on Friday (March 31), & she no longer has feelings for me at all…. That is what I am scared of right now, because I don’t want her out of my life altogether…. 😦

Edit 11:55 PM: So, nothing new to report at this hour…. Nothing from her, or from her roommate, so I’m safely assuming she’s still in the hospital & hopefully she has a bed finally…. I honestly hope nothing has changed in terms of her still having feelings for me/ still loving me. 😦 That’s all for tonight, I guess, at 11:55 PM…. Until next time….

Cheers,

~ KN1IGHT

April 3/2017

So, obviously still nothing letting me know which hospital she’s at, considering the last edit on my last post was literally not even 30 mins ago. Currently 12:15 AM on Monday, April 3/2017…

I honestly don’t know what else to do, except phone the first hospital that popped up in a Google search last night & ask if she’s there or not, & if she’s not, ask if they’d be able to tell me where she is. Phoning them was a “last resort” because I honestly thought her roommate would just tell me which hospital, without asking me “Why?” when I asked if I could know which one…

I shall quote the entire post, from a recent Facebook post I made (7 hrs ago):

I’m just hoping ur okay…. I haven’t heard from you since the voice call Friday night/ Saturday morning that ended around 1:20 AM & I’m assuming that means the hospital is keeping you there this time, which is why you went to this one. I don’t know which hospital yet….

Right now, I’m not even sure you want me to know which one/ *try* come see you, but I’m going to do what I can to find out which hospital, because *you* called me once you were in the waiting room. You didn’t *have to* call & tell me you were there, but you did, & I feel I can say that means you’ll want me to know which hospital & *try* come see you. :$

I hope you meant what you said on our first video call on Thursday & then the one earlier on Friday night, when you said you still have feelings for me/ still love me. I truly hope you meant that, because I still feel the same way & I’m positive that you know I do too & that I always will.
I also feel it’s not over *for good* between us, because we both still have feelings for each other & still love each other. :$

You mean the world to me, & right now, not knowing which hospital ur in is driving me crazy, even *if* you don’t want to see me. I’ll always care about you, no matter what happens, because ur a part of my life now. I’m also positive that you know this too.

Idk when, or if you’ll see any of my statuses considering it’s looking like ur not allowed to have ur phone since my messages are being delivered, but not seen & you were last active 1d ago now.”

That post is direct from my Facebook, without being edited in any way, with the exception of Italicizing it & putting it in quotation marks….

Not really sure what else to say, because that post along with posts before that one, basically explain how I feel…. That’s it for now, I guess at 12:15 AM.

Edit 12:35 AM: Was looking in the fridge for a snack a few minutes ago, & this was going through my mind while I was looking, that I mentioned to you on our first video call on Thursday, March 30, but I don’t think I mentioned it on the 30th’s post…. I just keep replaying Saturday, with the first hospital visit, over & over in my head, wondering what (if anything) I could’ve done differently. Wondering what I could’ve said, that maybe would’ve allowed me to stay there later then 2:40 PM with you, or maybe even stay overnight with you. Maybe (I know a lot of “maybes”), if I had stayed later (5:30, 6:30 PM) or stayed the night, I feel that maybe Sunday’s (March 26/2017) Facebook audio call, where you said you want to take a break, never would’ve happened & we’d still be together right now. I also keep replaying the voice message you left me on the 30th, when I missed your first video call (I was in another call with a family member), because, even though it sounds dumb, I miss hearing your voice every night & considering you’re in the hospital without your phone & not allowed to call anyone (I think), that voice message is the only way I can still hear your voice. 

Edit 3:25 AM: Tried calling the switchboard of the first hospital I found in a Google search at 1:57 AM. Gave the person her last name & first name, then I was transferred to emergency. Gave the lady who answered that phone, her last name, & she basically instantly knew who I was looking for, as I didn’t even have to say her first name. I then got transferred again, to her primary nurse. Nurse said she’s doing okay, she’s safe & obviously was sleeping at the time. But, the concerning thing I think I heard correctly, was she was still waiting for a bed…. I had to hang up, mainly because right after the lady at emergency said her name, meaning she was there, I was barely keeping it together then, in terms of not having any tears & because she was sleeping. I completely blanked on asking her nurse to please tell her when she wakes up, that I called & that she can call me back if she wants to. I might call back later on tonight/ this morning, when she may be awake, & see if I can talk to her for a bit, & possibly ask if she wants me to try come see her. I feel she’ll want to talk to me at least, because she phoned me basically right after she got to the hospital on Friday night/ Saturday morning (March 31/ April 1). She didn’t have to call me at all, but she did, & that’s why I feel if I call back, when she may be awake, she’ll want to talk to me. If she’s not awake when/ if I call later tonight/ this morning, I’ll just wait until everyone is upstairs around midnight tonight, call again & this time remember to ask her nurse to let her know I called, & that she can call me back if she wants to. I’m honestly just happy she’s doing okay, but still not that happy that I had to “dig” for which hospital she’s at….

~ KN1IGHT

April 2/2017 (Again)

So, I only slept decently last night, because I was tired as hell, when I finally went to sleep at 6:30 am….
She did “invade” my dreams again last night, in the sense that I woke up, checked for Facebook messages & seen a few from her, along with a missed video call & a voice message saying she’s okay, & what hospital she’s in & that she really wants me to try come & see her & that we were still together. ❤

I’m not really sure what else to say, other then I still haven’t found out which hospital, but there is likely going to be many phone calls tomorrow morning to different hospitals, asking if she’s there & where in the hospital, if she is there.

Will edit if anything happens tonight & to give updates. Currently 8 PM at the time this post was posted originally

Edit 11:11 PM: Still no messages, either from her or her roommate…. I am probably going to have to find out which hospital myself. I am confident I figured it out last night, as in google searching, I only found one so far, that has an LRT/ Transit station listed on it’s information page under the “Getting Here” section. However, their “Patient Information Dept.” is only open Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 4:15 PM….

Edit 11:58 PM: Still nothing, even though not that long after my last edit…. It’s honestly looking like I’m going to have to find out myself somehow…. or just sit & wait (ha, yeah right). That’s all for tonight.

~ KN1IGHT

April 2/2017

So, where am I at tonight?

Well, I honestly don’t know. I’m kinda pissed off her roommate wouldn’t tell me which hospital she’s at, & is probably going to make me find that out myself somehow…. I know her roommate saw the message telling her, she admitted she still has feelings for me… so maybe that’ll affect her decision to tell me the hospital or not. I honestly feel, if she comes back to me, her roommate will “have to” be okay with it, especially if it makes her happy, because her being happy is all that matters to her roommate, & if being with me/ coming back to me will make her happy, then okay.

I’m honestly just worried about her…. yes, we’re not together anymore, but you’ve read it in my last few posts since she first video called on the 30th… that I still care about her, & she still means the world to me, & that will never change. I just need to either get a video call from her saying she’s okay, or see her in person to know she’s okay, then I can relax a bit. Until either of those happen, these next few days, probably weeks, are going to be “fun”…. sleeping is probably going to be even “more fun” because she’ll likely be “invading” my dreams until I know she’s okay…. ❤

That’s all for now, at 12:25 AM….

~ KN1IGHT

April 1/2017

I never posted last night, because I couldn’t bring myself to type about it….

So, let’s go over everything. I had a video call with her just before midnight, where I learned something I kinda wish I didn’t find out… & then the call failed because she was going out for a walk…. :$

She called back sometime after midnight for a bit that was 13 mins & 33 secs long & ended at 1:21 AM.. She was in a hospital waiting room. I learned that it was not the hospital across the street from her apartment. She didn’t say which one. She just said she had to take the LRT to get to it, & that she went to this one, because maybe this one wouldn’t release her the same day, like the previous one…. I also learned on this 2nd call, a few other things that I will not disclose for privacy reasons, but one of these other things, happened 4 times in this week alone…. because of someone else she knows doing something….

She hung up the call at 1:21, because her roommate was asking her to call her…. She told me to stay right where I was & that she’d call back… well I never got the call back, but tried calling her back 3 more times, last try being at 3 AM. It rang all 3 times, meaning she wasn’t in another call, but all of them went straight to the “voicemail”/voice message option.

All my dreams last night had her in them, in some way, whether she was there in person or we were doing a Facebook video call in my dream…. Also, every time she appeared in my dream, we had never taken a break & we were still together…. Honestly, never in my life have I had someone “invade” my dreams over one night as much as she did. To me, this means I love her, I love her a lot & she means the world to me. The reason I say “dreams is because I woke up about twice over night. So when I went back to sleep, that counted as a “new” dream.

When I woke up, she still hadn’t seen any messages I sent her after the call ended at 1:21, so I’m assuming right now the hospital is doing what she hoped they would, & keeping her there… So I messaged her roommate, basically saying I don’t know who else I can message. That I know she knows this person’s in the hospital, because she said so over our voice call, & asking if she knew what hospital she was in, because all I know was she had to take the LRT…. I got the response of “Yes. I do”…. so I asked if I can know which one & then get asked “Why?”…. I responded saying so I can try come there & possibly see her….

I haven’t gotten a response yet, but that’s either because Facebook is being a dick & not delivering my message, or because her roommate turned her phone off…. I guess that still caring about her & wanting to see her, even though she’s not with me anymore, isn’t a good enough reason for her to tell me which hospital….

could go “digging” for it, but like a cop or a teacher, if I have to dig for something this person could’ve just politely told me, I am going to be pissed off. However, it’s looking like I’m going to have to dig for the hospital name…. Sounds odd, but I’m half “expecting” a phone call, either from the hospital, or maybe a local police officer in this city, asking for me to get to the city ASAP, because she’s asking to see me…. & that I can either get there myself or they’ll come & get me ASAP. It sounds dumb, but I’m sorta expecting that at this point, because I still mean a lot to her & she still means a lot to me. We both still love each other & have feelings for each other. It’s only 8:13 PM right now, so I’ll edit this post if anything else happens between now & midnight

Edit 9:22 PM: So, I finally got a response from her roommate…. but all I got was “She won’t want to see you”…. & to just stop & realize it’s probably over for good between me & her…. I’m guessing her roommate doesn’t know about our Thursday night (March 30) video call & last night’s (March 31) video call, where she admitted both calls, that she still has strong feelings for me/ still loves me & that the person she’s with now knows, she still has feelings for me, & that this person, she’s with right now, she said they would be okay if she came back to me….

All I told her roommate after she said to just stop & realize it’s probably over for good, is the part about our video call last night (March 31) where she admitted to me she still has feelings for me/ still loves me & that either way, I care about her no matter what happens, & that I’m sure she knows that too…. Wasn’t worth making a separate edit, but her roommate saw the message at 9:22 of me telling her about our video call last night where she admitted to me she still has feelings for me. Her roommate is now offline on Messenger (9:25 PM)… Will edit again IF anything happens, especially if it’s a call/ video call directly from her.

Edit 11:10 PM: Nothing has happened. Her roommate’s been offline since 9:25 PM tonight, & she was last active 21h ago, so I don’t think I’ll be hearing from her anytime soon, & based on how her roommate reacted when I said I wanted to know which hospital, so I could try get there & see her, her roommate likely won’t be keeping me updated on how she’s doing…. I honestly hope she’s doing okay, because all I can assume right now, is this hospital is actually keeping her there for however long. :$

~ KN1IGHT